Doubts.

Doubts can kill your dreams, like doubts have killed mine.

They linger in your mind,

Like memories or your thoughts.

Like day dreams and your nightmares—

In length or at a short.

They stay with you forever,

They never let you go.

And everywhere you turn,

They just give another blow.

They cause you pain and heartache,

Let down your self esteem.

They hurt you every way they can,

While you walk a balance beam.

They kill the hopes that you once had—

The expectations for free.

They kill the love that held you once,

The passion dead to me.

I once held these great promises,

To make my mother proud.

I once held these great dreams,

But now they’ve all but bowed.

I once had this great passion,

To save lives and see them smile.

I once had this great love,

But now that’s just been filed.

Doubts can kill your dreams,

Like doubts have thus killed mine—

Killed them stone dead cold,

They never were, never will, be mine.

Boredom is a Bitch

Sitting here on my bed, I have to wonder, What has my life come to? As I posted on Facebook, it seems that sitting on my bed and staring at my laptop is starting to become a regular occurance these holidays. I'm actually getting quite sick of it. I need to do something, but it seems that I'm a lazy bitch with nothing better to do. It is a gross over exaggeration that I don't have anything to do or haven't done anything even remotely interesting over the week and a half I've been holidaying. In actual fact, I've been into the city many times. I've watched movies, shopped, walked, chatted and done homework, as yuck as that sounds. A lot of my time is consumed in deep and meaningless thought though. That is, watching TV without actually paying any attention to it.


In other news, I got Deputy School Captain, whoop. What a pleasant surprise for someone who was never intending to go for the position in the first place.

And Let There Be Pain

It is official. I hate braces. Not that I didn't before, it's just that I hate them a lot more now. Why this not so sudden change of heart? The entire left side of my mouth is throbbing in unbearable pain, causing me to stay awake at night, sobbing into my pillow while it comes and goes. It's been like this since last Friday night when it first started. Honestly, I don't know why it decided to accumulate right then and there just when I fell asleep, but the body works in strange ways that goes beyond my knowledge...


I went to see my orthodontist today, who said that from an orthodontic point of view, there was nothing wrong with me; and that my teeth were great. Then I went to see the dentist (who resides in the same clinic), who said that due to the flu I said I had had a week or so ago, my sinuses were probably blocked up and putting pressure on my upper left molars, as well as the rest of my mouth.


So, here I am now, all drugged up and sitting on the couch, writing this entry. The pain has subsided, and has been reduced to nothing (HOORAY), but I'm rather afraid of going to sleep tonight, because the pain generally accumulates... That's why I have resorted to sitting on my couch, writing this entry and watching House M.D. Season 1.


I think I may find something to eat now. Night all (:

All By Myself...

So last Friday I had a cadet camp. Not surprising, considering that nearly every second or third weekend there's a camp on... But getting back on track: There were six males and one female. Fancy that. All by myself. On a camp. With six males. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't the only, only female onboard - the CO was there. What I mean is that I was on the only female cadet onboard. You have no idea just how much that sucks.


We went out in the boats on the Friday night, sailing around Port Philip Bay around 2300 hours and I was stuck with six guys (well, technically it was four, as the other two were in another boat) for nearly 55 minutes. As they were rather incompetent in regards to keeping the conversation going, I was doing most of the talking, having to raise my voice against the sound of the motor. I don't believe that I have ever talked that much in my life. We went from Pokemon to reading, TV shows, movies, music, artists, general gossip about the other cadets..., some seriously strange things I don't think is appropriate to mention, courtesy of the four gentlemen I had to put up with, and other stuff. It wasn't bad per se, I just would have liked some more female company to prevent me from going utterly insane.


However, the upside of the whole Friday night ordeal was the stunning view that we got to share as we sat drifting in the middle of Port Philip Bay, looking out at Melbourne while she twinkled with thousands of different lights against a cloudly night sky. Quite breathtaking to be completely honest. Real romantic if it weren't for the awkward vibes going on.


Something else happened on that Friday night boat trip too, when we were docking at the wharf. The driver crashed the boat! Shock horror all round. It was terrible. Well, not a complete disaster but it did leave a nice white scratch along the port side and a lovely large dint on the port bow... Needless to say, the driver was not happy and neither was the XO, whose hard work and effort went sinking when he saw the handiwork.


When we all turned in for the night, I was left all on my lonesome in a big mess (sleeping quarters) with no-one to talk to. I slept well that night though, but I did miss the conversations that usually sparked when other females were around... I still remember another camp when there were more onboard and we stayed up talking about... guys... and gossiped. Naturally, of course. There were quite a few things revealed that night.


Anyhow, the next morning = awkward. Awkward PT (physical training), awkward breakfast, awkward bludging around. And even when another female rocked to join us on our trip to Cheltnam, the bus ride there was still awkward. Awkward all round!


At Cheltnam though... Wow. The model ship builder that we went to see - and his model ships - were amazing. The detail was spectuacular and rather adorable. The guy that paints ships and army tanks and whatnot was hilarious. He has the best sense of humour, and we had a great chat with him. He's such a pirate! There's this swagger about the way he walks and in the way he talks and laughs. His eye for detail though when he paints, though, are awe inspiring. I would totally buy out his entire art collection.


And I think I should probably end this entry here before I start rambling on about how awkward the ride back was - which it was. But, but, but! We got a Lego ship which was freaking amazing. It's so cute and adorable and scale model and I. WANT. ONE.

The Bludge Week

It's November, and I'm nearing the end of another year of school, in which I've learnt, read, watched, written and collapsed because of due dates, tests and exams. With only a week left until I actually finish up for the year (HOORAY!), and a week past the exam period (HOORAY!), I've been stuck in the middle, sitting boredly in class while I wait for each period to creep by and each bell to sound the end of it. It hasn't exactly been the most fun of weeks; hell, it is by far the most boring week that I've had all year.


Today, for instance, I sat around in the library (or in class) playing on my Nintendo DS, playing Pokemon, Trauma Centre, Super Mario Bros., and Mario Kart, trying to the pass the time in some sort of productive way. Did it work? Yeah, it did; that is, until I'd exhausted my inner gamer and switched the damn thing off. So yeah... the week hasn't been all that interesting. Although on Wednesday my class and I went into the CBD to the cinemas to watch The Social Network, which in my opinion, was a good movie. In short, it's about the creators of Facebook and how the site was created, and the lawsuit that followed. One of my teachers had seen it and to put it in their words "there is only one likeable character in that movie" and I have to say that they are quite right. There is only one likeable character in the entire movie; the rest of them are all jerks and bitches.


Tomorrow, my school will be holding the annual elections for the leadership team next year. I will by running, much to my own surprise, as I wasn't expecting to be thrown into the spotlight because somebody decided to elect me to run for Deputy School Captain. When I was told about this, I was actually rather surprised. I have this belief you see, that the roles of School Captain and Deputy should be fulfilled by year 12s. I'm only going to be in year 11 next year, so I obviously can't take up the role in my own opinion. I do believe that I possess the skills and ability to take on the job, but my moral beliefs stand firm. So I'm going to go ahead and break them anyway, bring my speech to the table and wait for everyone to decide my fate. It's sounds incredibly melodramatic, but hey, my life can be like that.


Below is the speech that I'll be giving. It's not all that great, but it's what I came up with considering the circumstances:


For any of you who may not already know, I'm Geraldine, and I'm currently in my final weeks of year 10. I must admit, that I was never intending to go for the role of Deputy School Captain - at least not until next year. So I was a little surprised to find out from Ms G--- that someone had elected me to run. To be quite honest, I was reluctant to take up the offer, as I believe that the roles of both School Captain and Deputy should keep with the tradition of years prior and have a year 12 fulfil the role. However, despite the fact that I will only be in year 11 next year, I believe that I would make an excellent Deputy.


I'm an honest person, and always willing to help. I'm an active member of the school community and represent the school at various events throughout the year, whether it may be in sport or social functions. I'm proud of being a part of this school and I'm not ashamed to say it. I'm proud. I'm proud of my friends, my school mates; proud of their achievements and my own. I'm proud to say I'm a G------ Girl, and I would be proud and honoured, to be elected as your Deputy School Captain for 2011.


Thank you.